Churches Can Push a "Cooking with Kya" Narrative

By Leah Watkins

“Cooking with Kya, Cooking with Kya!” has taken over TikTok recently. If you haven’t heard of her, Kya has become a TikTok sensation by cooking meals while twerking in the kitchen. Men are engulfed by her tight clothes, lackluster-looking meals, and catchy theme song, and praise her ability to stay in the kitchen. Women are annoyed by how she’s making us look as a gender. Needless to say, she has caused a storm in the TikTok world. A storm that I’m all too used to, not because of the internet, but because of church.

What I’ve noticed in single Christians is an interesting paradox of thinking; The line between wanting to be desired, and wanting to stay pure. In the past, I’ve told my friends that my husband thinks I’m hot. Some are amazed and think that I must also parade around in lingerie with a hot plate of food ready for him (LOL). Others become uncomfortable and struggle with the idea of someone being sexually attracted to them. There’s no in-between. Both ways are not ideal.

Let me highlight some things:

Ladies, It’s Ok to be Hot

Not just hot ladies, YOUR kind of hot. Whether you’re thick, skinny, in the middle, or have been all of the above, YOU CAN BE HOT. When I was in my Christian circles in college I would hear girls say “They didn’t want to be seen as hot” and try to act more innocent and childlike (No I’m not kidding these were girls in their 20s acting 10). For a man to think you’re hot it doesn’t mean you’re scandalously presenting yourself. It just means he finds your true self attractive, and because biology is a wonderful thing, a natural sexual desire takes over. Do you want to know what I was wearing when my husband saw me for the first time? I had on leggings, a floppy t-shirt, and dried tear stains on my face from crying about a boy (that’s another story). It was just me. Me = Hot meaning You = Hot. Make sense? The definition of hot is someone finding you very attractive. So if that’s ever happened to you (And I know it has) congratulations my friend, you’re hot, even if you didn’t do anything.

Men, Cooking with Kya/ Sexy Trad Wives Only Exist in Porn

I’m going to be blunt if you want to see a hot girl in sexy clothes with a plate of food every day, you’re only going to get it from porn. Cooking with Kya and sexy trad wives are a gimmick to trick people into getting views. They are not real. I would even go as far as saying that they are posting their kind of porn on Tiktok. There’s a trend where a wife gets her child to sing the Cooking with Kya theme song to blow the husband’s cover and admit to watching her (I pray for future children's therapy sessions). If you can’t think your wife is hot in her everyday self, my friend you are the problem, not her. Women are beautiful creatures, and if you take your time and find the person you love, everything she does will be hot. Ladies this goes the same for you because we have our kind of trad husband porn where the man is ripped and shirtless. None of it is real.

What Does the Church have to do With This?

A certain sector of churches, not all, push this narrative that sexual desire only happens after marriage. You’re only allowed to be hot after I do, that way you can stay pure. A traditional sermon on sex highlights two things: Have sex all the time, please your spouses (But mostly husbands), women need emotional connection, and men will always want sex more. So to satisfy both parties’ needs in marriage, women become this emotionally whiney sexual being and men turn into raging horn dogs. That’s where all the stereotypical jokes come from. Before marriage, some men try to overcompensate by being obnoxious, overly sexually confident, or sexually clueless people, and some women try to be as desirable, or not desirable as possible. When in reality everyone is just confused and uncomfortable. I remember getting told in marriage counseling that sometimes sex HAD to happen, even when we were mad or tired. That’s never the case. The church pushes the sexy-looking trad wife narrative without even trying. Instead of highlighting the reality of sex and attraction. What is the reality you ask? Ready to get your minds blown? 3..2..1..

• Sex doesn’t happen all the time

• Things can mess up during sex

• Sex looks different for every couple

• Women can have higher sex drives than men

• Men can require more emotion (and often need it)

• Lingerie isn’t needed

• You can go long periods without having sex and still love each other

• Sex is God’s gift to us and when done correctly, it is a bonding moment, not an expected action.

• A sexual desire for someone does not equate to the act of sex i.e. thinking someone is hot

Ok, Leah, you’ve done all that yappin’, does this mean you’re made at Kya and sexy Trad wives? No. I’m mad at the lack of education and judgemental things churches say. I’m mad that because of this narrative they give, people are pushed to watch porn and get an unrealistic version of sex and desire. I’m mad at pastors for being obsessed with everyone’s sex lives and conning others into thinking they have the perfect sex life. I’m mad at people thinking they can’t be hot unless they look or act a certain way. Maybe I’ve been scared by the Southern Baptist community, but I have heard this from other circles as well.

My goal with is post is to encourage a more open way of thinking about desire and sex. Remember to just be human, live, and love your partner. To celebrate your sex life for what it is, and to stop comparing it to outside sources. Live the narrative God has for you and your partner, whether you are dating or married. That’s all I got for your friends, until next time! Kyrie Eleison— Lord have mercy upon us.

LR Watkins