Guidelines: Singleness
By Leah Watkins
"While the hardships are still there, remember that God uses singleness as a tool, not a burden to punish you.
Welcome to Guidelines, a new short 4-part series I’m starting with the present Abstract Divine content. I wanted to start this series to offer guidance, encouragement, and knowledge to the people who suffer and sin ( aka all of us). In this day and age, we all could use a road map, myself included. We all need a place to feel seen; I pray this series allows you to feel heard and validated in this crazy. Let’s begin with the first topic; Singleness.
“Congratulations on being single this year we are so proud of you!” This is probably not what you’re going to hear at your Thanksgiving dinner this year. What you might hear is the opinions of others on how to get a date, or how to be married by the next year. The holidays can bring out the absolute worst in people in relationships. It’s almost as if they forgot they were once single. I famously remember my uncle and grandmother telling me that I needed a man at least ten years older than me. They offered the advice in an unprompted manner. I somehow managed not to roll my eyes at them and politely declined them. Singleness has a lot of taboos that I want to clear up. If you’ve read my past work, you know that I love a good bullet-pointed list with a semi-colon entrance:
Singleness is hard
As much as I want to look back at my singleness and say it was all growth and roses, I can’t ignore the fact that some days I hated it. I hated not having a date, being a third wheel with friends, and not having someone to share my time with. We don’t allow space for single people to vent about the hardships and frustrations of dating. Especially, as a Christian. What I hear a lot is the argument that dating is harder now than it ever was, which I don’t agree with. No matter what age or decade, dating is hard and it is not for the weak. No, dating apps didn't exist, but people still went on bad dates. Abusive situations were present, and individuals prayed just as fervently to find the right partner. We must be cautious not to view singleness as solely an individual experience. The bible highlights singleness very clearly in that waiting on God to provide, is an act that takes an immense amount of faith. Your hardships are validated but it’s imperative not to place yourself as the only person or generation that has to deal with it.
Singleness is beautiful
To quote me from my Is True Love Even Real? post; “My prayer for anyone navigating the challenge and beautiful world of singleness is to wait for the one who lets you rest.” Thinking of singleness as beautiful might be challenging. It was for me. But it is. Your singleness can allow God to use you in any possible way, without any restraints. I pray you can enjoy your singleness and see it as a gift, instead of an ugly trap.
Singleness is easy
Leah what? You just said singleness is hard! Yes, I did. But I also want to highlight how after singleness, dating and marriage require you to give parts of yourself that are otherwise only reserved for yourself. People forget, that as soon as marriage/dating happens, there is another person to think about. You can’t just leave on that mission trip without warning. Or go volunteer at that center for all hours of the day. Another person means two schedules, two mindsets, and two people that need to be heard. Singleness can allow you to be selfish in a healthy way. This is not to say marriage isn’t beautiful, but singleness is a privilege in its own right. Being single is a valuable opportunity to prepare yourself for the covenant that God has designed. While the hardships are still there, remember that God uses singleness as a tool, not a burden to punish you. You acknowledge the hardness and easiness together, and they are allowed to coexist.
Singleness means you are STRONG
If you’re single, you are saying no to someone who could take you further away from the Kingdom. You are saying no, to the person who pressures you to become a worse version of yourself. So again I say, congratulations on being single this year I’m so proud of you! I mean it, hug yourself right now! Honoring God, and the values He sets make you stronger. The longer you do it the stronger you’re becoming, and the sweeter your next relationship will be.
I used to use singleness to think about how one day I wouldn’t be lonely anymore. But that only caused me to idolize dating/marriage. To quote my Instagram friend coffeewithrach
“many men & women think so selfishly when it comes to marriage. How they won’t be lonely anymore, how their desires will be taken care of, & other things along these lines. But again, marriage was intended to show Christ’s love & sacrifice to His church. your marriage should reflect the selflessness of Jesus to His people. & if you go into marriage thinking this way, you’re going to be in for a rude awakening.”
Well, that’s all I got for you! I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and ignore all the naysayers on singleness. You got this, and don’t let anyone take away the peace that God offers with your patience. As always, comment your thoughts below! Until next time friends. Kyrie Eleison—Lord have mercy upon us.
LR Watkins